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Really Cut my boobs off

Having a double mastectomy at 34 years old sucks! It is not something that anyone would choose voluntarily, but sometimes life throws curveballs that we cannot avoid. I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and the only option was to have both my breasts removed.

I hate this new body that I have. I hate the pain, the numbness, and the fact that it has only been two months and I don't even remember what it was like to have breasts. I hate these expanders that are put in place to prepare my chest for the implants. They hurt like hell, and I can't wait to be on the other side and love my body and skin again.

It's hard to come to terms with the fact that I am no longer the person I once was. My breasts were a part of my identity, and now they are gone. I feel like I have lost a part of myself, and it's hard to accept that this is my new reality.

But I am trying to focus on the positives. I am alive, and that is the most important thing. I am grateful for the love and support of my family and friends, who have been there for me every step of the way. I am also grateful for the medical professionals who have taken care of me and helped me through this difficult time.

I know that it will be a long road to recovery, both physically and emotionally. But I am determined to get through it. I am looking forward to the day when I can look in the mirror and love the person staring back at me, scars and all. Until then, I will keep fighting and taking things one day at a time.


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before cancer.....

Before my breast cancer diagnosis, I was incredibly shallow. I was obsessed with my appearance and always striving to live up to the model image I had created for myself. I even dreamed of posing for Playboy one day. But after a double mastectomy, I am now so self-conscious that I can hardly recognize myself. It took me almost a month to look down at my chest after the surgery. I cried and cried for hours in the bathroom, wondering how this could be happening to me. I had always been so confident in my body, and now I felt like a stranger in my own skin. As a mother, I struggled with how to teach my daughter to be confident when I was struggling so much myself. How could I tell her to love herself when I didn't even recognize myself anymore? I was grateful for my surgeon's skilled hands and for getting the cancer out, but I hated the results. When people say that a mastectomy is not a boob job, they are right. The scars and the fact that I will never have sensation again at 34

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