lonely

 It's not that I don't want friends , its that the friends I thought I had wasn't really there for me when I needed them most. I know I shouldn't dwell on things , or just accept that , some people just don't know how to deal with a person with cancer , but now its too late people just tried to reach out too late. Having no one to vent too is the worst thing ever keeping your thoughts to yourself is very scary. I tried to meet up with old friends but I canceled it didn't feel right an what are we going to about my cancer journey? I'm kind of sick and tired of people only reaching out because I have(had) cancer . I honestly only think they hit me up , comment on my post so it can look good for them, like if I die they'll have a post to post on social media. May sound weird but thats how I feel , I wish I had friendships , wish I had people besides my brother an Doug . People assume that I have all this support that I have so many friends to lean on , thats not the case at all.