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Cancer Journal

Going through Chemotherapy was the most difficult thing I have ever been through I am so weak most of the time. Today I feel like myself just little sad because I have just two weeks left with my breast I wanted a goodbye dinner or something lol. I don't know it really seems unreal , yea having cancer being bald an all in unreal but shit my boobs! ! damn dog I just decided not to try an save it an give myself the best options I just want to see my daughter grow old. I just want to be there an if that means letting go of my boobs then I have too. My boobs just they've just always been there you know . Maybe I am bugging maybe I'm overthinking everything . its not like this an actual boob job, I won't have nipples I won't have them. I think about me being 34 me being young an maybe I can save it but what if . I mean reality it can still come back either way no one is GOD. Dealing with breast cancer and the possibility of losing one or both breasts is a challenging experience for anyone. However, for young black and Hispanic women, the experience of breast cancer is more common and can be more traumatic. Making the decision to go through with a mastectomy is never easy, as it has significant physical and emotional repercussions.


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before cancer.....

Before my breast cancer diagnosis, I was incredibly shallow. I was obsessed with my appearance and always striving to live up to the model image I had created for myself. I even dreamed of posing for Playboy one day. But after a double mastectomy, I am now so self-conscious that I can hardly recognize myself. It took me almost a month to look down at my chest after the surgery. I cried and cried for hours in the bathroom, wondering how this could be happening to me. I had always been so confident in my body, and now I felt like a stranger in my own skin. As a mother, I struggled with how to teach my daughter to be confident when I was struggling so much myself. How could I tell her to love herself when I didn't even recognize myself anymore? I was grateful for my surgeon's skilled hands and for getting the cancer out, but I hated the results. When people say that a mastectomy is not a boob job, they are right. The scars and the fact that I will never have sensation again at 34

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